incoherent thoughts (involving both art and life)

I'm sipping Jamaican Rum. I'm two weekends past the Wimbledon Art Studios open event - it was brilliant. I sold a good many works - thank you lovely people. I met some great folk, and new connections have been forged. And then this weekend the Crafty Pint extravaganza. Absolutely AMAZING. 105 people in South London at the old Tram Shed, making art/crafts, drinking strawberry cider, connecting and creating. Exhaustion is not the word. Oh and I'm 500 words into a thesis that looks incredibly like a fairy tale. . . . .

All of this in amongst fire-fighting the trickiness of Aspergers Syndrome; of understanding it, of living with it (my youngest), of being an artist, a mother, a carer. Navigating the terrain of LIFE. A life. My life. A real lack of understanding at times. What does it all mean? How does a mind with a form of autism work? Why does it manifest as it does? What causes it? What can I do? How can I protect as a mother? How can I weave the experience and story into my own art? I can barely separate it from my existence, and my existence feeds my art. . . . I think, but not much comes. Many thoughts, but a lack of coherence. Time passes so quickly with each day and minute filled with aspects of surviving, art-ing, fire-fighting and managing. Like I know many of us do. I don't know how we do. Life at times feels way to much.

But in between I have managed to visit this show: The Enchanted Palace (see image at top, a screen shot from their website) - I feel the need for enchantment. Can I create it for myself if it's not there? This is well worth a visit should you be in London/the area.

I know I also need to visit this show - Alice in Wonderland. I know I need to write my thesis, and rest, and clear up the house, and make some art work. I know I make choices, some of them were unknown to me (of the impact of them that is), others I try to make now in a more informed manner.

I listened to a talk by this man, and found myself questioning the understanding of 'absolutes' in the world. The tyranny (or so it seems) of 'signifiers' and the 'signified', versus the gentleness and fluctuating organic feel of personal symbols and intuition. Without intuition I would not be where I am today. Luce Irigaray talks of the world as a state of 'becoming', not resolute, concrete staticism (my interpretation). A dire need for the creative, organic flow and sense of being that comes with simply 'being' and of getting in touch with your inner tutor (intuition) - my own thoughts here.

I leave you with my thoughts. Tea is ready, we need to eat. And I have just overflowed the bath writing this blog post!

Amelia.x